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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
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Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
There once was an entrepreneur who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the candidate that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"
The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."
The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101."
The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."
The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I a glad that we discussed this important question.
The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."
The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"
The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more than 25 cents.
The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which was created by an Auburn University graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Yo mama is so dark that she got her tattoo done in chalk!
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?"
The father thought for a moment. "Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case."
How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows.
In the beginning there was nothing......then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Q: How do you kill 100 flies at once? A: Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: On what kind of ships do students study? A: Scholarships.
Three religious leaders (a rabbi, a priest, and a minister) were all discussing how they divide up tithing income between themselves and God. The minister said, "I draw a line in the sand, throw the money up in the air, and what lands on the left side of the line goes to the good Lord and what lands on the right side goes to me." Then the priest said, "I draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and what lands inside the circle goes to the good Lord and what lands outside goes to me." Then the rabbi said, "You got it all wrong! I throw the money up in the air and what the good Lord catches is his and what lands on the ground is mine."
Q: My boyfriend is as beautiful as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein; what is his name?
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????"
Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk?
He wanted to work overtime.
As I rowed my little boatToward the river shore,A small black bird kept me from landing,Quoth the raven, "never moor."
Why do Russian cars never work?
Baecause they are always Stalin.
Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
Jill: "They already have boyfriends."
Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table?
A: "Use the fork, Luke."
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
Chuck Norris is so strong, he can role a bowling ball up stairs...........without touching it.
A blind man walked into a fish market and said, "Hello ladies!"
Yo mama so bald headed she uses a toothpick as a comb.
Q: Why is a river rich?
A: It has banks on both sides.
Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll?
You wind her up, and she operates on batteries.
A blind man walks into a department store with a seeing-eye dog. He begins swinging the dog wildly above his head when a clerk asks "What are you doing?!". The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."
The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
Q: How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?
A: Put up a Bingo sign.
Yo momma is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on.
Yo mamma so stupid that when you you were born and she saw your cord, she said, "Oh, it comes with cable!"
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.
The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed.
The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.
At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it...
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
What kind of snake is good at building things?
A boa constructor.
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is offended.