Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
Yo mama so fat, her patronis is a cake.
Yo mama so ugly the bassilisk couldn't look her in the eye.
Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo Mama so fat, when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks taco bell is a mexican phone company
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and sleep on the floor
Yo mama so stupid she tried to put her m&ms in alphabetical order.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama is so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.
Yo mama so fat, the sorting hat put her in all four houses.
Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
Yo mama so poor when she found a penny on the ground she thought she won the lottery
when ever yo mama farts she gets fined by the EPA for polluting.
Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!
Yo mama so fat, they're gonna put the movie in two parts.
Yo mama is so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill.
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo mama so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a blue tooth
Yo mama so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her 10 years to live.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to Hogwarts for the first time, the sorting hat said "Awwwwww hell 'naw!!"
Yo Mama so ugly, she has to use prescription make-up!
Yo mama so fat, the sorting hat placed her in the house of pancakes.
Yo mama so ugly that not even goldfish crackers smile back
Yo mama so old, When she farted dust came out!
Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Q: Why is a train like a stick of gum?
A: One goes choo-choo; the other goes chew-chew.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a parking lot.
Redundancy: An airbag in a politician's car!
Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelve hardened criminals escaped.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Q: What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a car?
A: A windshield viper.
Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"